Confession – I’m a perfectionist.
Those who know me well can attest to my perfectionistic tendencies. Tack onto that a strong sense of responsibility and I turn into my own worst critic. If I say I will do something, I really want to follow through. If I’m doing something for someone else, it pains me to interrupt those plans for any reason.
Now, tack on a dose of chronic pain, and my plans may shift depending on how I feel. My shifting plans typically occur in the realm of solo endeavors of chores, cleaning, doing stuff around the house, etc. I may think I will complete a certain amount of cleaning, or other chores, but I don’t always have the energy – not like I did prior to back surgery.
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about suffering well and finding joy no matter what the circumstances. It’s not always easy. I don’t buy into Pollyanna-like learned behaviors or fake-it-until-you-make-it solutions. But I do think there is a purpose in sufferings of any stripe.
At the start of 2024, I decided my word for the year would be One. Starting in September 2023, I began to perceive God (as in the God of the Bible) was drawing near me in new ways. I picked the word One for 2024 because I wanted that perception of closeness with God to continue. I picked the word One to try and let more of my thoughts focus to the one thing Jesus told Martha that Mary had and wouldn’t be taken away from her in the Gospel of Luke (specifically Luke 10:42). One thing I’m learning is that I need to go easy on myself. My body has been through a lot. To focus on the word One my perfectionism must die. I still have dreams and responsibilities – but all the ‘perfect’ ways I imagine accomplishing them need to be given both a reality test (do I have the energy required at this moment to do such and such?) and a spiritual test (is such and such what God would have me do with my limited time, energy, and other resources?) For me, it’s a steep learning curve and journey one day at a time.
Scripture Reference – Luke 10:38-42
Suggested Soundtrack – Anchored by Enfield
Hopeful Depths 
Leave a comment